work it out wednesday: affectionately know in pig latin as ectionaffay

gerrr. rar. gruff. snarl. lick. it’s a secret language. not unlike the one you dreamt up back in 6th grade when you found out the hard way that pig latin http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pig_Latin   was not in fact your invention and that you needed more sophisticated code if you and your bff were to continue discussing how cute your crush was without the note being intercepted and posted on said crush’s locker. not that that ever happened to me.

gerrr. rar, gruff. snarl lick. this is our secret language. mr c’s and mine. *with that cheese you have my full blessing to navigate away from this blog and never again return… but if you’re still reading…consider this…that secret language you had with your friend in the 6th grade…something about it made you feel invincible right? something about it bonded the two of you together in that jelly bracelet swap, spit in the palm handshake kind of way that you still remember to this day. same goes for our gruffs and snarls…i can’t pinpoint the first time we actually growled affectionately at one another and why in fact one of us didn’t run or at the very least make fun of the other but…they stuck and rough translations have come to include but are not limited to:

“you’re so damn yummy I could eat you”
“i’ve got a hot husband”
“I’d like to bite big chunks of flesh from your buttocks but missing flesh on newlyweds tends to raise eyebrows so I have to settle for this rarr instead.”

And….when we’ve gotten on each others nerves…this language can be a way of breaking the ice and saying, “let’s get over this spat…I miss you” and even “I’m sorry”.

where am i going with this?  well, there is this relationship guru guy named gottman. the smiley bearded, mock turtleneck guy below is gottman himself....

ask most any counselor and they’ll probably know who I’m talking about but in short gottman is world renowned for his work involving the study of emotions, physiology, and communication and has been able to determine with 90% accuracy which newlywed couples will divorce after 6 years. pretty wild right? and for most of those 35 years he has claimed seven key principles http://www.nj-act.org/article8.html that would reinforce the positive aspects of a relationship and help marriages endure during the rough moments….mr c seemed to think gottman knows what he’s talking about so when we created our “marriage principals” http://thespacebetweenmsandmrs.blogspot.com/2010/05/work-it-out-wednesday-driving-married.html…some of his ideas were even included. but here’s the wild part…after 35 years and studying over 3000 couples gottman recently disavowed his previous work and the work of all other couple therapists and proposed a revolutionary new form of couple therapy that said….dun dun da…..all you really have to do to have a better marriage is focus on each others positive qualities.

that’s it!!! comment on his big hands, sick hoop skills, primo dishwashing action and he'll be a happier mr….growl your appreciation for his bod and...ummm, you'll be a happier mrs. and you know what…it makes total sense. b/c when we boil it down to it’s simplest….don’t we all want our partner to think they have the hottest wife, the greatest mom, the quirkeyest blogger? it’s when we feel we’ve lost the sparkle that at one time made our partner hang on our every word…that we freak out and and do things we…..shouldn’t. so whether you growl, gruff, or just plan ole compliment…go jump on your man (or woman) and tell em just how fabulous they are.  and when you're done..give em a little bite just to see what they do....


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